Lucah Is No Longer Cute

I haven't written for a while because...well...Lucah is no longer cute. Part of the joy of a new puppy is the cuteness. I mean the 3AM walks outside, the potty training, and the chewing uncontrollably (which Lucah never did) are only counter-ed by the fact that you have this bundle of fuzzy cuteness. If someone could figure out a way to keep a dog always at that level of cuteness then that person will be able to print their own money. Unfortunately those advancements of science have not been made it yet.

I know what you are thinking. "How can you say such things about your baby?" Lucah and we (thanks Graphic Orb Proofing Dept.) have an open and honest relationship I tell him when he is not cute, he pukes up something he doesn't like, nothing but honesty there. I tried to add some cuteness by teaching him cute jestures like the hand shake and showing his belly, but there is only so much I can do with him. Most of the time he just sits there with a not-so-bright look on his face. His mouth is always open with his tongue hanging out. He looks like he suffered some sort of head injury. [see below]

And talk about uncoordinated. With his current weight he is 130lbs of pure clumsy. The other day at the park he was chasing a ball that took a bad hop, went a different direction, and all I could see were paws and tail tumbling through air. My friend has an Australian Shepherd that can jump in and out of a pick-up truck with out touching the door. Can Lucah do that? Nooooo, he has to be helped into the back of my car like an octagenarian going to bingo.

Look at this picture. That big wet nose...those floppy ears...that tongue hanging out in a not-so-bright way. I don't know what look he was going for here, but it certainly doesn't present the best example of a "cute dog".


Or take this lovely shot. He is actually watching T.V. You can see the remote in the corner (as well as an open letter, who he gets mail from I have no idea). He could be out working on his abs or trying to get better definition in his glutes, but no that damned Cesar Millan was on and he just had to watch.

Now I am not saying that I don't love the big guy. He really is great. I don't know why he is so great, he doesn't really do anything, he has never worked a day in his life and he sheds enough fur to make another dog, but I love him. I just wish the guy could maybe get one of the makeovers I see on the TV. You know...they have the before shot and then they do the cross fade of the new Lucah. They put him in some dark denim jeans, a funky T-shirt from Urban Outfitters and then a smart jacket to tie it all together. Maybe even not that much. Maybe just a bath and a good brushing. And ears...bigger ears....nothing says "adorable" like giant, floppy, almost dangerously big ears. And bigger eyes. He should look like a living Margaret Keane (I frikin' love Google) painting.

See this is more like it, this looks says "I am cute and there is nothing you can do about it except love me!" That is something Lucah should go for. I look at this dog and say "gee that's a cute dog, let me take him home and smother him with love and affection". I don't know which doctor could perform the surgery, but I am sure they are out there. I think I can file a claim with my insurance company. Cuteness is a survival instinct, its the reason why most infants are so cute, so they will be taken care of by their elders out of pity. Anything that can increase cuteness is bound to keep him alive as long as possible, which is what we all want.